Writing to Bourbons While Drinking Bourbons

No, really. You should buy it. It’ll probably taste pretty good.

I wrote the following at 3am early Friday morning when we discovered that Ancient Age prints an email address on the front of their label. I’ve been in the habit of communicating with strangers lately, so why not? Also, I was drunk. Yerba mate and bourbon is phenomenal, by the way.

Dear Ancient Age,

My friends and I are quite pleased with your product. We attended a friend’s birthday party tonight (she turned 37) at the ocean and brought a special mixture of Ancient Age and Yerba Mate, though I think it was the Trader Joe’s brand. Anyway, two young boys were there on the beach, roasting yams, eggplant, and mushrooms in tin foil when we arrived at the fire pit, so we asked to join them. The birthday girl got a ticket for parking in the wrong lot, and the police broke up our beachfront bonfire in a friendly way. We then drove in a Mini convertible across the city (which is only 7×7 miles long) and squoze our shoulders into a too-thin backseat. It was an amazing night! Now we’re thinking of mixers for your bourbon back at home, but what we’ve decided is plenty of ice and a little bit of water.

Look, I’m not going to lie to you, Age. This has been a rough year. In fact, I’ve been relying on your friendship quite a bit lately. It’s been a solitary effort up to this point, dancing by myself to Led Zeppelin bootlegs in the middle of the day, waiting for everyone else to finish up with their tasks and join me in the party…but I’m doing better now. You know how it is. When you get older. God…I’ve been feeling ancient lately.

A Wolfe
PS Discovered “fountain of youth”! It’s water, though.


One response to “Writing to Bourbons While Drinking Bourbons

  1. They have a number you can call too. I left them a message telling them that I liked their whiskey very much and that my drunkeness proved the effectiveness of the product.

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