Hot Guys Doing Horoscopes Crashed My Computer. Twice.

I was just checking my MSN horoscope, because I still need a steady, paying job. I wanted to see what the Careers section said for me. It told me there was going to be a hostile work environment, and I had to be careful what I said. I was in the coffee shop, working next to my buddy, who didn’t seem so hostile while he was drinking his fennel iced tea, but you never know what people are harboring under their biking caps. The banner at the top of the page, though, is where my real interest lay. It enticed me with the heading, “Hot Guys Doing Horoscopes.” Yes, please.

I tried to get onto that page twice, and both times it crashed my computer. When I finally got to the video of the hot guy doing my horoscope, I got this. My Sagittarius hot guy took a break from taking pictures of a lady on a sound stage to tell me that I should back up my hard drive. Apparently, he was right, because he did crash my computer twice. When he’s done with my horoscope, he gives a polite nod and goes right back to taking the same pictures of the lady. It’s like he’s tethered there by MSN.

I want this guy to tell me which lunar eclipses will give me a chaotic workplace.

If you let the video finish, it’ll automatically cue up the Capricorn horoscope, which I didn’t watch all the way through, because I’m not a Capricorn, but the beginning of that video starts with a guy in a high-powered suit on a cell phone in a crappy office, looking out the window, and then he says into the phone in a disappointed and disgruntled boss voice, “Yup, he’s on facebook again…” Then he turns the camera and gives you a rundown on his daily clairvoyant visions of your Capricorn life.

Who is this really being marketed to? Sometimes I think men who head marketing agencies really only know how to market to other men, even though they think they know what women want. Fuck, I just gave the premise for the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want. Fuck. I feel like this website, in particular, though, is for an odd combination of gay men in California and their Midwest moms who attend scrapbooking conventions, because all the good embossing product booths hire young, attractive men. So I guess this is just family entertainment.

Yo, Leos! It’s your birthday. Why don’t you check out your Hot Guy Horoscope. Notice that they keep posing that guy looking out the window. Let Peeping Thomas tell you what to do…




5 responses to “Hot Guys Doing Horoscopes Crashed My Computer. Twice.

  1. they must have directed you to the wrong page…that guy’s not hot. a real hot guy would’ve been able to give you some accurate insight to help you land the job of your dreams.

  2. Kind of dying over what the masterminds behind Hot Guys Doing Horoscopes seem to define as “hot”… a bunch of clean cut yuppies telling me what to do? Great idea!!!11!1! I second the hypothesis that the main consumer body (if not target audience) is gay men and their Midwestern mothers.

  3. I just watched my hot guy horoscope and my hot guy had to stop teaching a “Hot Guy 101” class (topics included Sex Ed, Woodshop, Gym, and Astrology) to tell me to start dating again. In another video, the same hot guy was trying to do math equations on a white board and at the end of the video he crossed out all the equations in frustration. HOT!

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