All of us at the grocery co-op where I work had to make some pretty big decisions for the past month. In early June, we had to pull a huge box of vegan condoms from the shelf, because they had expired. Like most things that expire, we placed these tempting items into our “free box,” alongside other tempting items, such as day-old bagels, pounds of rye flour with bugs, and squeezy tubes of beef stew baby food. Because most people who work at a grocery co-op can’t bear to throw things away that just need to be thrown away, this “free box” has been bulging, and until yesterday, it had become a tower of reusable trash that stood almost five feet tall. (My favorite benign item was a black plastic shopping basket with only one of its handles that kept getting recirculated into the other baskets and consequently pulled because of its non-utility, but we still couldn’t bear to trash the thing. Every time someone tried to throw it away, a coworker said, “Well, maybe someone would want to keep fabric in it?” and back to the “free box” it went.) At the base of this trash tower was the box of vegan condoms…untouched. At some point in time, everyday, I witnessed at least one person eyeing the condoms and attempting to do some life equations in his head. Are expired condoms really that bad? How expired are they? What the hell are vegan condoms? But nobody took the bait, and probably because nobody wanted to be seen taking free vegan expired condoms, because you would, by default, become the guinea pig. If this person takes these condoms, maybe we could? Let’s see what happens to them. I mean, vegan condoms cost like $2/each. At that price, you might as well name your vegan condom company ConDamnit!
Anyway, I looked up “expired free condoms” and found this question posed: