Free Expired Condoms!

All of us at the grocery co-op where I work had to make some pretty big decisions for the past month. In early June, we had to pull a huge box of vegan condoms from the shelf, because they had expired. Like most things that expire, we placed these tempting items into our “free box,” alongside other tempting items, such as day-old bagels, pounds of rye flour with bugs, and squeezy tubes of beef stew baby food. Because most people who work at a grocery co-op can’t bear to throw things away that just need to be thrown away, this “free box” has been bulging, and until yesterday, it had become a tower of reusable trash that stood almost five feet tall. (My favorite benign item was a black plastic shopping basket with only one of its handles that kept getting recirculated into the other baskets and consequently pulled because of its non-utility, but we still couldn’t bear to trash the thing. Every time someone tried to throw it away, a coworker said, “Well, maybe someone would want to keep fabric in it?” and back to the “free box” it went.)  At the base of this trash tower was the box of vegan condoms…untouched. At some point in time, everyday, I witnessed at least one person eyeing the condoms and attempting to do some life equations in his head. Are expired condoms really that bad? How expired are they? What the hell are vegan condoms? But nobody took the bait, and probably because nobody wanted to be seen taking free vegan expired condoms, because you would, by default, become the guinea pig. If this person takes these condoms, maybe we could? Let’s see what happens to them. I mean, vegan condoms cost like $2/each. At that price, you might as well name your vegan condom company ConDamnit!

Even if these aren't used, they still smell really bad.

Anyway, I looked up “expired free condoms” and found this question posed:

Is expired condom bad ):?

I had sex with my boyfriend yesterday, and it was my first time, and his first time too. We ended up using 3 condoms, and the last condom we used was reeeally expired. We didn’t know it was until later… But it didn’t tear or anything, thank goodness, but do I still have something to worry about?
Someone attempted to politely answer her question and assuage her fears, but this person also noted what everyone was thinking:
I am concerned about the way you said that you used three condoms. Did you use them all at the same time???
What really surprised me was what she said after:
Remember, it is safer to use only one condom with lubricant at the time. When you use two together it can cause friction and break the latex so one is always better with a lube.
Holy shit! People have really tried to use more than one condom at a time, and there are proven consequences to this masochistic experiment! I had no idea. This could potentially mean that many people have tried to use more than one condom at a time. Holy shit! (I’m letting all the poor grammar and phrasing go on that question and answer, because I could be here all day dissecting it.)
So, yesterday, while everyone else was busy, I threw the “free box” away. Nobody has noticed.

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