If we can build a bear in the mall, we can build a better human.

Some friends and I had a conversation about Lance Armstrong and how athletes never really get punished for taking steroids or other body-building drugs. In the Majors, they even inject your injury spots with your own stem cells to act as a catalyst for new growth. When you think about it, that method is pretty “organic” or “green,” so maybe we can someday hock stem-cell services in health stores, or at least at your local GNC retailer. For my taste, I kind of don’t care what the hell athletes are doing to themselves anymore. I’d rather we experiment on people who are getting paid millions of dollars than experiment on a house cat in Georgia. This got me thinking about Build-A-Bear, too, so I googled some images, because I’d never actually seen one. This was my favorite:

I fell down the stairs of my Cub Condo.

I just imagine these sleep-deprived parents slogging to the mall and building this bear from scratch for their kid who fell out of a damn tree again or something. The description assures he’s “Stuffed With Hugs and Good Wishes.” Notice they capitalized the preposition there. I don’t know, near-fatal-injury bear seems pretty somber to me. It sends a message like, “Get well soon, because we can’t afford the medical bills, and this bear cost us our grocery money for the week.” With all the bear-options in the mall, this is what someone came up with to spread joy.

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